12:52 a.m

Immortal Beloved

Be calm,
only by a clam consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together -
Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine

ever mine

ever ours

listen...

"They say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself - Andy Warhol

Some people think that by sitting on their asses all day, and dreaming that one day they will make it big that it will happen for them..well newsflash you idiot life doesn't work out that way. Nothing in this world is handed to you on a silver platter as some people would say. In order to get what you want you have to work hard for it. You think A-Rod or Obama got where they are by sitting on their asses watching politics and baseball..I think not..Obama is our first black president..he busted his ass for that seat!

"Trust me one day he will learn to respect me."-umm pardon me but do you think that one day you're just going to wake up and your husband is a changed man..honestly he's a man..enough said! It's not a one way street..it's a two way street and if you want things to change you have to make it happen.

It's time people.

"you can not live your life for other people;

You've got to do what's right for you,

even if it hurts some people you love."

.abuelo.

I was in the hospital standing over my grandfather's bed when my mom looked up at me and said , "Amanda say good-bye." Right then and there I had falshbacks of all the conversations I ever had him with him. All the times he used to call and say "Amanda por que tu no me llamas..you know you need to call me." I thought to myself I wish I would have called him more. I wish I would have visited and helped him around the house more. Maybe if I was there I wouldn't be standing infront of his body with no life in him (if I only knew then what I now.)

I never said goodbye, but the pain and anger I felt became my motivation. My motivation to become something great, not just for me, not just for my family, but for my grandfather. The dream he had for me became the dream I have for myself. The truth is right now in this moment I am living my dream. I'm walking through life, as everyone else, with all the cracks and bumps in the road. I'm moving mountains that seem to hard to move, but I'm determined to get to the other side. I'm determined to make mistakes but never make them twice. My voice will be heard, people will be moved, people will know who I am. I will make a difference. For I am living my dream, I am living my grandfather's dream. My grandfather always use to say:

... "To know the way,

we go the way;

we do the way

the way we do

the things we do.

It's all there infront of you,

but if you try too hard to see it,

you'll only become confused.

I am me,

and you are you,

as you can see;

but when you do

the thing that you can do,

You will find the way,

and the way will follow you.

So my grandfathers dream is my dream. His words "mi vida you are my dream" has stuck with me and will stick with me to the end. Abuelo if you hear me I live for you.